why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
