his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
