Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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