I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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