5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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