Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
