I molested 6 butterflies tonight
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
