she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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