Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
