one word: firstdatebathroomanal
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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