May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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