a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
