why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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