he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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