so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
