just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
