I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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