So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
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