i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
