i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
