this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
