Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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