i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
