I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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