im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
