I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
