U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
