note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
