low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
