Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize