Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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