So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
