My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
