dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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