Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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