she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
