Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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