Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
