see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
