On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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