I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
