he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
