Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
