break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
