Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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