True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
where does the pee come out of this thing
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
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