I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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