when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
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"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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