wrigley field is MILF paradise
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
