Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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