My hand turned me down
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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