remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
being pregnant is like rehab
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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