Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
