So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
