how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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