its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
