its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
