I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
