my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
