come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
