Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
