I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
