Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
