Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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