I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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