He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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