So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
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I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
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Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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