I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
