New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
