8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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