we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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