You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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