How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
