you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
