so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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