I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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