just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
