Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
