He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
