I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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