So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
