I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Of course I have a pirate flag
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
