can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
