Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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