So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize