Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
