; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
