perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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