Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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